C.D. Reimer: A Silicon Valley Writer

Flash Story - A Hell of A Tip

"A Hell of A Tip" is slated for publication in Daily Flash 2013 anthology (Pill Hill Press / December 2012).

As an old woman finds herself handcuffed in a detention center outside the Pearly Gates of Heaven, she discovers that handing out phony money with Biblical verses when tipping at restaurants isn't something to brag about in post-9/11 purgatory.

This flash story was inspired by this news article, Waiter's Phony $10 Tip Includes Religious Lesson.

eBook - The Semper Fi Engagement

My newest short story ebook, "The Semper Fi Engagement," is now available.

After an retired U.S. Marine evicts a group of teenagers from their favorite after school hang out spot at the apartment complex, they come back later that night to seek revenge and haul his dead body out to the dumpster. All hell breaks loose when his fighting spirit hunts them down as a possessed shopping cart.

This 9,000-word short story is being published for the first time.

Short Story - Sunday In The Park With Dawei

"Sunday In The Park With Dawei" is slated for publication in the Roboterotica anthology (Erotica Quarterly, Release Date TBA).

"A young petite woman is looking for a young petite woman to make out with in Golden Gate Park on a bright Sunday afternoon. Ask for Dawei at any park bench. Pricks, whores, robots and/or other sexual deviants need not apply."

When straitlaced Sasha responds to the personal ad and finds freespirited Dawei sunbathing topless, they tangle hot and heavy on a park bench to learn why andriods—i.e., robots—are considered to be sexually deviant in the future.

WARNING: Contains explicit sexual situations not appropriate for readers under 18-years-old.

eBook - Experiencing The Death of Elvis

My newest essay ebook, Experiencing The Death of Elvis: A Childhood Tragedy, is now available

I read about the death of Steve Jobs five minutes before everyone else did at work on Wednesday, October 5, 2011. As a PC technician doing a Windows 7 refresh at a Fortune 500 technology company in Silicon Valley, I was waiting for the data transfer from the old computer to the new computer to complete before I moved on to my next task. Sitting in the chair of the user whom I ejected out of his cube, I turned to the laptop on my cart and, seeing no work-related emails that required my immediate attention, started browsing the Internet. MacRumors reported the death of Steve Jobs via the Associated Press announcement and that more details were forthcoming. Unlike the false report a month before that appeared on the CBS Twitter feed, this one looked like the real deal. An immense feeling of sadness overcame me, but not that of mourning for a technology visionary. I felt like I was experiencing the death of Elvis Presley all over again, shuddering at the thought of another childhood tragedy in the making.

This 3,230-word personal essay is about remembering a mother's reaction to the death of Elvis.

Holiday Specials & Price Changes

My bestselling essay ebook, "The Cabbage Patch Fight: A Christmas Shopping Tale," is FREE at Smashwords (use coupon code VZ44V) until the New Year.

My short story omnibus ebooks, "A Few Short Stories Omnibus Volume 1" and "A Few Short Stories Omnibus Volume 2," are now available for $1.99 USD each. Save $13 by buying both omnibus ebooks instead of 17 individual ebooks for 32 literary and speculative flash and short stories.

eBook - Death At A Hell's Angels' Funeral

My newest essay ebook, Death At A Hell's Angels' Funeral: Driving Past The Memories, is now available

The death of Jeffrey “Jethro” Pettigrew, the 54-year-old president of the San Jose chapter of the California Hell’s Angels motorcycle club, gunned down at a Nevada casino on Friday, September 23, 2011, meant nothing to me. A curious news item among many that caught my attention on that particular day while browsing a dozen news websites to satisfy my news junkie habit. Since I write speculative short stories, and I started focusing my efforts on becoming a California regional writer (i.e., the West Coast version of Stephen King, although much poorer and less prolific), I filed this news item away in the back of mind and forgot about it. The best ideas always float up like a dead body in a calm lake to demand to be written into a short story. Besides, I haven’t thought much about the Hell’s Angels since the early 1970’s, where they were less feared than the sheriff deputies that patrolled my childhood neighborhood.

This 3,635-word personal essay is about being stuck in a traffic jam outside the cemetery where 3,000 Hell's Angels attended a funeral and a shooting in Silicon Valley on Saturday, October 15, 2011.

Daily Frights 2012 Anthology Is Now Available

The "Daily Frights 2012" anthology (Pill Hill Press / December 2011) is now available, featuring six of my flash stories.

"As The Tequila Flies" — Pedro, drunk from drinking bottles of tequila after shooting his wife dead in the living room, keeps killing the same old fly that wanders into the kitchen to torment him over and over again.

"Fair Trade" — When Nathan breaks into the funeral home to retrieve the video game console to be buried with his little brother Petey, he ends up trading with the dead and gets more than he bargains for.

"Recycable Women" — While two women are recycling the brass sprinkler heads off the irrigation pipes, they are spooked by the crucified scarecrow in the middle of the cornfield that seems to be moving closer to them.

"RV Coffin" — After the old man leaves his RV unattended in the Walmart parking lot, two boys climbs up the back to check out the purple coffin strapped down on top and finds something that kills their curiosity.

"Tagging This Side Of Hell" — As Atanacio tries to deface the mural of condemned souls being sent to hell under the watchful eyes of the devil, his sister Malia discovers why the mural remains unblemished by taggers.

"Vampires of The Freight Elevator" — A pair of Indian vampires feast on the Latino janitors from inside the freight elevator of a Silicon Valley technology company when one of them develops threshold issues and refuses to leave.

eBook - A Few Short Stories Omnibus Volume 2

My newest fiction omnibus ebook, A Few Short Stories Omnibus Volume 2, is now available.

Read 14 flash and short stories from seven ebooks in this second omnibus volume for one low price, featuring: "Salt Of The Air," "Swine Of The Earth," "Honey Of The Fire," "Rice Of The Water," "Silent Observers," "A Leap Of Faith," "Dead Enders," "Saved By The Bell," "The Hungry Red Devil," "How Not to Stake A Vampire," "Hog Wild Under The Moon," "Golem Got The Blues," "An Unanswered Question," and "A Wild Fish Tale."

Save nearly $4 over buying all seven ebooks individually at $0.99 each.

Daily Flash 2012 Anthology Is Now Available

The "Daily Flash 2012" anthology (Pill Hill Press / November 2011) is now available, featuring four of my flash stories.

"Double Dipping"— After Eddie took out insurance policies on the other bar owners in town and used the proceeds from their deaths to shut down the competition, the assassin he hired to move things along also took out an insurance policy on him.

"Feasts of The Cockroaches" — An older cockroach explains to a younger cockroach how the pestilence known as humanity became extinct when they refused to adapt to an increasingly hostile environment.

"Golem Got The Birdies" — After his first computerized golem failed with a blue screen of death, optimistic Benesh tries again using demonology and skeptical Jacob watches the results of this experiment fall out of the sky.

"Humbug Knockers" — Nick was a busy man during the twelve days of Christmas, going to bed early to get a full night sleep before standing on his feet all day. But, like the ghosts who visited miserable Ebenezer Stooge, four knockers came a-knocking to his apartment door.

eBook - How Not To State A Vampire

My newest short story ebook, "How Not To Stake A Vampire," is now available.

A collection of five 500-word flash stories about vampires, werewolves, golem, and killer trout, previously published in three flash anthologies by Pill Hill Press and Wicked East Press.

"How Not to Stake A Vampire" — A master and his apprentice vampire hunter have a disagreement about staking technique while inside the crypt of two vampires.

"Hog Wild Under The Moon" — Three teenagers trespass into a biker's backyard to fool around with the bench press under a full moon.

"Golem Got The Blues" — A computer science student shows off the golem he created for his artificial intelligence class when the operating system crashes.

"An Unanswered Question" — A woman U.S. Census worker asks ten questions to an old man who lives alone in a trailer as the full moon rises over the woods.

"A Wild Fish Tale" — A pair of fishermen find themselves trapped inside an outhouse on the pier when the aggressive trout decides to fish for them.

These flash stories first published in Daily Bites of Flesh 2011 (Pill Hill Press), Daily Flash 2011 (Pill Hill Press), and A Cup of Joe (Wicked East Press).